The truth is, the way you respond when your baby wakes in the night has a huge impact on how quickly they resettle and whether those wakes start to improve or stay stuck in a cycle.
After working with over 9000 families, I see the same patterns again and again. And the good news is, once you know what to avoid, the changes can be almost immediate.
Here are seven things to stop doing when your baby wakes at night.
1. Turning on the main lights
This is one of the most common mistakes, and I completely understand why it happens - you need to see what you're doing. But turning on a main light or a bright overhead tells your baby's brain that it's daytime. It suppresses melatonin (the sleep hormone) and makes it much harder for them to drift back off.
Use a dim, warm-toned night light instead. Red or amber light is ideal because it doesn't interfere with melatonin production. Keep the room as dark as possible so your baby's body stays in "sleep mode."
2. Talking too animatedly to your baby
It's natural to want to soothe your baby with your voice. But chatting, shushing loudly, or saying "It's okay! Mummy's here! Shhh shhh shhh!" in an animated way can actually stimulate them and bring them into a more alert state.
If you need to use your voice, keep it low, slow, and monotone. Think boring. The less interesting you are at 2am, the better.
3. Rushing in too quickly
This one catches a lot of parents off guard. When you hear your baby cry, every instinct tells you to go straight in. But babies are noisy sleepers - they grunt, grizzle, cry out briefly, and even open their eyes while still technically asleep.
If you rush in at the first sound, you risk waking a baby who was about to resettle on their own. Give it a moment. Listen to the type of cry. A brief grizzle is very different from a full escalation, and learning to tell the difference is a game changer.
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4. Changing their nappy unnecessarily
Unless your baby has done a poo or their nappy has leaked, there's usually no need to change them in the middle of the night. Modern nappies are designed to hold a lot, and the process of changing it - the cold air, the bright light, the moving around - is one of the fastest ways to fully wake your baby up.
If you do need to change them, keep the lights dim, move slowly, and avoid any unnecessary interaction. Get in, get it done, and get them back down.
5. Defaulting straight to a feed
This is a big one. If your baby wakes and you immediately offer a feed, you can unintentionally create a pattern where they need the feed to fall back to sleep. Even if they weren't actually hungry.
Obviously, newborns need night feeds. But as your baby gets older, not every wake is hunger. Sometimes they're uncomfortable, too warm, or just briefly surfacing between sleep cycles. Pausing before automatically feeding gives you a chance to read the situation and respond to what your baby actually needs, rather than defaulting to the same thing every time.
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6. Picking them up straight away
Similar to rushing in, picking your baby up immediately can escalate a situation that might have resolved on its own. Going from lying down to being scooped up is a big sensory shift, and it often wakes babies up more.
Try settling them in the cot first. A gentle hand on their chest or tummy, a quiet "shhh," or simply being present can be enough. You can always pick them up if they need it, but starting with less intervention first gives them a chance to resettle with minimal disruption.
7. Getting worked up and overwhelmed yourself
This one isn't about your baby, it's about how you're feeling. When you're tense, stressed, and running on adrenaline at 3am, your baby picks up on that. They can feel the tension in your body when you hold them, hear it in your voice, and sense it in the room.
I know this is easier said than done. But taking a breath before you respond, reminding yourself that this is temporary, and lowering your own stress levels will genuinely help your baby settle faster. The more calm and confident you can be with the settling, the more they will pick up on that.
Why These Small Changes Make Such a Big Difference
Night wakes are normal. Babies wake between sleep cycles just like adults do. The difference is whether they can move smoothly into the next cycle — or whether something in the environment or your response pulls them fully awake.
When you remove the things that are accidentally stimulating or disrupting your baby, you give them the best chance of resettling quickly. And that means more sleep for everyone.
What These Tips Won't Fix
These seven changes will reduce unnecessary wake-ups. But here's the thing most parents don't realise: if your baby doesn't know how to fall asleep independently at bedtime, they'll keep waking in the night no matter what you do.
👉 If you want to know exactly how to help your baby become a great sleeper without leaving them to cry-it-out, our award-winning Sleep Courses walk you through the full method in step-by-step video lessons. Everything you need to feel confident, plus a 30-day money-back guarantee so there's zero risk.
See the Sleep Courses
You don't have to keep surviving on broken sleep. With the right approach, your baby can learn to sleep well, and you can start feeling like yourself again.
